CZECH ORIGINAL POSTER FOR "CONAN THE BARBARIAN" (1982)

The title says it all 

enjoy!

 

First line under Arnold´s name says "An avenger made of steel". Author of this poster is Czech painter Zdenek Vlach, and among his works on this website, there is possible to find other fantasy posters, e.g. Excalibur.

WHY IT TOOK 16 YEARS TO STOP HATING "WILLOW"

Recently, I watched Willow for second time in my life. First time, it was in mid 1990´s - and I hated it then.

It looked pretty much like a retarded offspring coming of a gang bang of Indiana Jones, Lord of the Rings (books only at that time) and Star Wars. I almost expected Val Kilmer´s character to draw a lightsaber and a whip.
Story looked pretty lame - from today´s point of view. "Written by someone, to whom LOTR was told long time ago by stoned drunk" should be in opening credits. Yes - a child instead of a ring, a protector of this child, who comes from dwarf-like nation of calm farmers, riders in black in pursuit...
There was almost not a single thing in this movie, which is not a direct citation of something else - starting with Greek mythology, ending with Star Wars. It almost looked like an artificial movie from year 2185, made (as a homework) by eight years old pupil using "Movie WYSIWYG Creator version 2.05".
Look at this:

Mandatory things every movie written by George Lucas must have:

1. Surplus of useless comical characters (who doesn´t believe it, watch Phantom Menace - it´s gonna make you believe)

2. Someone stepping on feces (yeah, George, what would it take to explain to you, that this was not funny since the era of silent movies?)

There  are no doubt other signs common for GL movies, but I considered these two sufficient.

Now it looks that this movie is a piece of crap, isn´t it right?

BUT...

Although I´m still a bit shocked by IMDB rating of Willow (currently 7.1), after I watched it for second time few days ago, I must admit:

IT´S NOT THAT BAD !!!

AND WHY?

1. The story is definitely not a jewel of screenwriting, but it is OK. It has main good and evil characters, even the characters who experience a personality changes. The way Sorsha falls in love with Madmartigan is still pretty lame (kinda reminds me the masterpiece of movie seduction, Goldfinger, where James Bond turns Pussy Galore from lesbian to heterosexual in matter of minutes), but the rest is OK.

2. The characters - I still hate those two brownies, played by Kevin Pollak and Rick Overton. They are too much "R2-D2,C3PO-ish" for my taste. Also characters like this degrade an adult-looking fantasy to fantasy for children, and that´s what I hate most in fantasy movies. Is it really OK to have a fracking retarded comical characters in a movie, where at the same time are lines of cages full of rotting human remains besides the roads and an old lady is savaged to the death by wolves? I don´t think so... But rest of characters are good, and I finally realised, what I didn´t like 15 years ago, when I was filled with emotions from JRRT and Robert E. Howard´s books - they are acting like ordinary people, not heroes. That´s what I like now, that´s why I fell in love with Game of Thrones before I finished watching its pilot. Madmartigan is not Aragorn, Madmartigan is insanely annoying thief who is blessed with ability to use a sword. Isn´t he lovely? Maybe one of the best Val Kilmer´s performances, no doubt (and it´s NOT a sarcasm).

3. Special effects - I´m silent like a grave. This movie is from 1988. There´s nothing more to say.

4. Production design - to shoot a movie like this today, for roughly 35 millions dollars is not possible. For those money in eghties, you get a movie, where you can´t afford Ben Hur-like crowd scenes (and final battle sort of suffers from that), but you have to be crafty. And snow-covered mountain sets of Willow are magical.

5. NO fracking galaxy far, far away... - yes, I am grateful for that, that in Willow is not a reference of space at all. Because I still shake (with laughter and horror simultaneously), when I remember the film Krull (AGAIN - how THIS piece of crap could receive current 5.8 IMDB rating is beyond my comprehension - watching it again would cause damage bayond any help to my brain cells). In the finale of this film, there is a statement that child of the main hero will "rule the galaxy". In a medieval-like world with magic instruments, sorcerers and cyclopses, it´s really a bold claim.

So thank you, people who wrote Willow, fo not mentioning any fracking galaxy.

6. I just pushed "Like" button on a Facebook page of Willow. Is that enough?

Finally, enjoy a little "geek-art", which I found adorable:

THE ELORA DANAN PROJECT