WHAT A MOVIE IT COULD HAVE BEEN - LORD OF THE RINGS DIRECTED BY QUENTIN TARANTINO

Some eight or ten years ago, in a movie magazine called Premiere (Czech Republic version, of course), which was cancelled two years ago, there was a series of funny articles called "WHAT A MOVIE IT COULD HAVE BEEN". It always involved some famous movie directed by a totally different director. Resulting films were masterpieces like "Harry the Godfather, directed by Francis Ford Coppola" etc. One of the best articles in this series was LOTR, directed by Quentin Tarantino. So, what follows IS NOT from my head, however I cannot say who the author is. I went through all my surviving issues of Premiere several times with no luck of finding this article at all. So this is just what I was able to remember - and also a proof what kind of things am I able to keep in my head for a long period of time.

Gandalf, played by James Gandolfini, did his time in disreputably known prison Orthank. While celebrating his parole with former cellmates Frodo and Bilbo, brothers Veggins, they discover that one ring Frodo has, is actually the One Ring.
"Now, things are going to happen, I mean, fracking things are going to happen," says Gandalf.
So they call Tom Bombadil.
"I´m Tom Bombadil. I solve problems."

There´s definitely some plot twists between these two paragraphs, but sorry, it´s long gone from my memory.

After several incidents, the only surviving characters of the story are Tom Bombadil and Galadriel, who is high after use of elvish drug brandywine. When they are leaving on a pony, doped up Galadriel asks:
"Whose horse is this ?"
"It´s a pony, baby."
"So, whose pony is this?"
"Frodo´s."
"And who is Frodo?"
"Frodo is dead, baby, Frodo is dead."

THE END.